Grief and Loss During the Holidays

You only have to follow the lead stories in the news to realize that there will be alot of people suffering grief and loss during the holidays this year. Whether its Elizabeth Edwards' adult daughter, twelve year old and ten year old, losing their Mother after a long battle with cancer; or all of those company personnel who work for companies that have begun laying off workers before the end of the year; or people who will spend the holidays alone or away from home due to military service- it's not a happy time of year for everyone.


During our monthly giref community conference call, we discussed grief and loss during the holidays. I wanted to share a few of the comments with you. If you are grieving or experiencing a loss this holiday season, its more important than ever this year to have a plan. That's right. You need to have a plan on paper, or in your mind, about what activities, parties, or traditions you are going to participate in, or not. If you don't have a plan, you will either spend time lonely and alone, or going through the motions, accepting every invitation, and finding yourself unhappy and exhausted. Decide if you are going to eliminate, adapt, or start one new tradition during this new season. Then devise a plan to carry it out.

You don't want to hide from the holidays, taking a "cover your head and wake up when its over" approach. It will be important, however, to plan for the "empty" times.  As others become aware that this holiday season is different for you, you may be invited to more things than usual. A schedule which is filled to capacity will leave you worn out, resentful, and feeling as if you have been "busy" but, not comforted during this time of loss.  So, plan to choose a few meaningful invitations/projects, so as not to overwhelm yourself.

Lower your expectations on the season and on  yourself. It's okay to cry and be sad, but it is also okay to be happy and laugh. Talk with a grief coach or a "detached" friend, acquaintance, or pastor and confide in them. Let them know what you are thinking and feeling. Tell them about your hopes, fears, and saddness during this season. This person needs to be someone you can talk to who will not feel obligated to "fix" your grief and loss- but hear you and affirm you.  

If you have experienced grief and loss during recent holidays, write us, What made the season difficult or a blessing to you?